Attending a retreat for men enriched my life
“As a result of Covid 19 my husband and I were separated which created a growing separation anxiety. This started to consume my very being. We were together in Germany when I had to return to South Africa to attend to my mother’s funeral. Covid lockdown hit and we were unable to reunite”. This is the story of a male couple that were unexpectedly separated and lonely in two different countries.
A Cape Town friend told Brian Bekker about a mini urban retreat for men in Pretoria and suggested he attends the event to bond with other men to work through his feelings and even make new friends. “I enjoyed the event very much and realised that I had to deal with my issues and work on my separation anxiety and learn to cope with my feelings.
I was impressed the way Johan Muller, who is a life coach, approached the one-day retreat. Given that the activities of a weekend retreat was squeezed into a single day. It was quite amazing.
After the event I had several discussions with Johan and decided to join a weekend retreat for men in Outdshoorn in the Western Cape. I also attended a second weekend retreat which was held at Sima Kade (Tree of Life) which is nestled in a private valley in Magaliesburg.”
Brian takes up the story.
“The theme of the retreat was He-art to Heart. The hyphen in the first word is deliberate, splitting the word into the masculine gender combined with art, leading to a heart connection with the other men.
It was my specific objective to make connections, whether for the three days, or for long term brother relationships. This was the heart aspect.
At the Magaliesburg retreat we used painting, clay modelling and dance for the art forms, and I connected to three other concert musicians (I am also one). So the Art aspect was fully fulfilled. And the music is continuing with plans for concerts.
Additional activities which built trust and in which we shared our concerns and issues and explored ways to overcome these resulted in many emotions and tears as we got these out in the open. We learned that a problem shared results in an entire brotherhood who are there for us, with their hearts full of love and care.
There were many straightforward activities, which included the formal introductions and guidelines, the daily group feedback, the daily yoga and so on. But most of the activities had a deeper symbolism which cannot be shared in words but must be experienced in person.
Altogether, this retreat, combined with an earlier one had a profound influence on my outlook and (to be honest) I am still processing, and probably will be for quite some weeks to come.
I enjoyed the retreat in the bush even more than in Oudtshoorn. We were in the middle of nature, no mobile phones to intrude, just us men and nature. That alone was bliss!”
Brian shared his experiences with his husband in Germany who, by an amazing coincidence, had attended a similar retreat in Munich, and like Brian, had found a better way of coping with their Covid-forced separation. “I hope to soon join him in Germany, and we may well together attend a retreat whether in South Africa or Germany”.
“The two retreats had different elements to draw out the things that I did not like about myself. Both started with a disrobing ceremony which was very sensitively handled by Johan and very much helped the other men and I to shake off any inhibitions we may have had. Nudity makes one feel free and promotes the ability to connect and create a brotherhood that is difficult to describe. It brings the group together to openly share feelings and open talk about underlying issues that are difficult to talk about in day-to-day life.
One of the other important outcomes was the appreciation of touch. Heart to heart hugging a friend just has so much more meaning and creates a warm feeling between two people. Men do not easily touch each other. Johan masterly taught the value of touch. I certainly will practice touch instead of the just shaking hands, or even worse the pandemic elbow touch!
I recommend Johan Muller’s weekend retreat for men and if you cannot make a weekend one, at least try his one-day mini urban retreat. It is something every guy should experience. I am only sorry that it took me so long to find this help I so deeply need.”